Goals in 2019 – Week 1 of 52

Failure, Security, Anxiety, ADHD, Added Debt

Experiment #100034: I thought I would do better in the New Year by writing a monthly goal for myself. Then write weekly goals to help strengthen my accountability. Outcomes: Leave me to be for a long weekend and I got antsy chasing another big high. Bought a new-to-me-used-car. Total Debt: $87k+.

January week 1 goals, outcome: ADHD impulse is real (and depressing). ⁣⁣Hard to write this…
1. Pass – Put $100 into account. $50 more needs to be directed by month’s end. ⁣⁣

2. Pass – Appointment made. ⁣⁣

3. Pass, conditionally – No CC use… after #4 I did CC-buy parts. But canceled the transaction. So really Fail, but because pass because of canceling. CC is put away. Not good enough I know. ⁣⁣

4. Fail – Don’t take out a loan. I bought a used 🚙 because I hate my previous car (which I just financed last year). My inkling is taking over the previous. But I still owe the difference. Then I almost spun down the rabbit whole to buy amusement park passes, big parts for my new-to-me car, etc… lest not forget I just purchased an international trip. I am 3/4 down the rabbit hole. And yet, I still keep the card in my drawer. ⁣⁣

5. Pass – Pack a lunch or skip. Have brought all meals as necessary and stayed in my $200/bi-weekly food budget. ⁣

6. Pass, conditionally – Stay in (my new reduced) budget. I pass in terms of my cash budget and paying bills. Taking out a new loan and adding a bill is the conditional part. ⁣⁣
I did find r/ADHD. Unfortunately more peeps like me. Trying to becoming financially sound is the hardest task I have undertaken. I am a smart cookie but failing miserably at this. I’ve now put myself in a scary space. I like challenges but this is taking it too far. All non-refundable. The option is to clean it up (and cry). New debt total in bio. ⁣⁣
#adhd #adhdproblems #keepingitreal #debtfreejourney #fail⁣⁣ #adultadhd #adhdprobs #anxiety

Not to Gloat

I don’t write this gloat about me succumbing to more debt.

[I financed $14,000 for a used car and extended warranty this weekend]

I write it to keep it real. “Get on medication for your ADHD”. No, that won’t solve the problem. Like I said, 80 – 90% of the time I am great. It only takes me one time to f*ck it all up. And since I’ve been more aware of my habits in the last few years, I noticed it works like memory. Every year, I anticipate the merit increase, a possible tax return, a potential promotion, the hustle of the holiday scrambles my daily schedule and my mind believes it’s time for lifestyle inflation. “Yup! There is room for a [lifestyle] payment in the budget”.

This time I’ve got myself scared putting myself in this place. It doesn’t feel good at all. I have even more debt to contend with now and a darn tight budget.
But what a rush buying a new car. Then after it was done, I was like, “what the f*** did I just do?!”

Credit Card

The credit card is my security blanket.

[I put $1,500 on my credit card as a down payment]

Also my anxiety blanket. A lot of you have support systems. I don’t. I fail, I get in a hard spot… it’s me. One paycheck… okay, maybe 2 paychecks away from homelessness if shit hits the fan. No one is going to come saving me.

One thing I have realized through the years – a support system like good parents or family members is everything. Cherish it if you have it. Because when you don’t, it lends to a scarcity mindset.

But then I really thought about things – I have everything I need to be successful. If I really financially fall, I do have systems – maybe not ideal – but I have systems to catch me or buy me some time.

Maybe I am afraid I can’t do the hard work. 

But really what is the worse that can happen if I live in my means? I might need to move to a cheaper place. I might need to sell my car – I have feet and a transit system if I really needed to get somewhere. I might have to do without extras for a while. None of these are bad for me.

But giving up my “stability” and “safety net”  makes me really uneasy. It’s one of the reasons I envy Jillian from Montana Money Adventure – she is comfortable with getting uncomfortable.

Anyway, I read this great article on Marketwatch the other day talking about the first year of early retirement being one of the hardest. But what caught my eye was the author’s quote, “Todd made the astute observation that we didn’t experience sacrifice because our actions were in alignment with our values.”

If I do this – it may be one of the hardest – but it will be a natural way to get myself in alignment with where I need to be (aka, living within my means) and a way to stop the suffering of living in debt. Debt is a security blanket for me too.

Ah! All these security blankets of mine. What happened to my sense of adventure???

I don’t know if today’s mindfulness will bring the change I need. But I am astutely aware of what needs to be done:

  • drop the card in a bank security box or to a good friend because the freezer is to close in proximity
  • no more loans (which I could put a cap on this… well freezing my reports helps put a bumper stop)
  • and maybe limit my time on the internet as it is really easy to become hyper-focus on something (like the next great buy)

I have the tools to make it:

  • high income
  • budget
  • therapist (if I want)
  • r/ADHD group (where there a bunch of others like me and some great pf tips for people with ADHD – like don’t use credit cards – cash/debit card only)
  • an emergency fund
  • social supportive network groups
  • a house
  • food
  • clothing

I am strong woman, but giving up my current version of “financial security” makes me really anxious…

Links worth reading

Why Are We So Quick to Judge? Beach and the Budget

I Lied to Dave Ramsey and Now It’s Time to Confess Ms. Fiology

2019 Goals


Personal goals:

  1. Every day for the next 5 days, pack a lunch. If I am not eating breakfast or lunch from home during the work week, then I need to pack one. It’s a super helpful way to keep me in this new-reduced food & household budget of mine.
  2. Keep it frugal. While my days are filled with a series frugal moves like meal prepping, menu planning and more. It’s here I will give intention to something done frugal during the week.
  3. Pay with cash. Envelopes, clips or debit. This was a good move on my part to start using the cash envelope system. It’s been super helpful to keep the budget and I am having fun picking out new paper every month to craft with. I’ve now bought money clips to try out as they will fit better in my wallet. If in budget, using the debit card is okay too. But it’s seldom it even comes out of my wallet now.
  4. Healthy habits. In the bowl (pick 2 per week): Walk 3 times a week, meditate 2 times a week, hike a trail (as I miss the dirt), run a trail, eat a healthy meal full of complex carbs, or do some yoga. The benefits gained all these things have proved its worth in the past. But keeping the habits up is another story. Try, try again! My goal is to just get to it – with no distance in mind and no time limits.
  5. Read – both a mix of fiction and non-fiction. I am a self help addict when I do read. My goal is to widen my horizon. Let me know your favorite reads!

(Updated 1/26/2019)

Meal Prepping


The burritos have been working out quite well. Prepped. Threw them in the freezer. When needed, microwave almost 1 minute on each side and I have a nice hot breakfast.

Stocking up on:

  • Rice
  • Pasta
  • Potatoes
  • Cheese
  • Eggs
  • Frozen veggies
I already have lots of legumes, beans, oatmeal, flour, and sugar. Lots of spices. I am thinking of investing in a small cubic freezer (I have enough $5s saved up for it.  A couple of dresses from Etsy or Small Cubic Freezer…. hmmmm???).
I am totally out of room from my last Costco run from the protein stock up, but I need more room for the veggies.
Just made a bunch of this 30-Minute Homemade Tortillas Soup. Averie’s use of spice for this recipe was spot on.

2019 Budget (first – half of the year)

(full image here)


  • House & Utilities: $2,031
  • Food & Household: $400
  • Transportation Fuel & Oil Changes: $230
  • Everything Else: $137
  • Debt: $1,535
  • Travel Anticipated: $640
  • Sinking Funds: $200

Financial Goals

  1. Travel Debit Savings. “What’s Due” related expenses – like hotel payment, transport, spending, etc… I opened a checking account with no foreign transactions fees or monthly fees and am now transferring my travel savings into that account. Currently transferring $640/m to the account to cover anticipated expenses. Traveling by debit card.
  2. Stay the Plan. I plan to catch up on scheduled snowball payments in February ($2,900),  then on calendar is to snowball $200/m from February to June, snowball $850 from June to December.
  3. Put $1,000/m in my 401k. My goal to retire by 60 with $600k is to put $1,000 month into my 401k. This doesn’t account for my employer’s contributions. So I’ll use employer’s contributions to cover inflation that I didn’t take into account when I made this goal.
  4. Emergency Fund. Keep the emergency fund for emergencies and keep padding it when possible. The EF is not to be used for the nice linen dress I found on Etsy. Current balance: $500.
Let’s see how this goes! Have a safe and Happy New Year’s Eve!


EOY 2018


There is $9,398 not shown, made up of $1,000 savings and the rest are balance transfers. I could dig more, but will pass. One thing I do know – every penny was spent (excluding the $1,000 in savings).

Retirement (pre-tax)

I had put my retirement contributions on hold in 2017. That hurt me with my income. I ended up owing. The first half of 2018, I still had them on hold. Then my income increased. I now had to play catch up by claiming $0 and putting away $645/per paycheck into my 401k.
Total contributions 2018: $8,630
My employer throws in 5% of my salary. Total contributions from employer: $6,600

2019 Goal: To contribute $12,000  + employer’s 5%


December 2018 Expenses & Debt Recap [-$69,960]

Being lazy. Today you get screenshots.


Debt paid this month (included in images above):

  • $556 Personal Loan
  • $300 Car Payment
  • $343 Student Loans
  • $36 Consolidation CC3
Last month’s Debt Total: $68,501
This month’s Debt Total: $69,960
Deficit of $1,459 due to booking travel. 

Christmas “Shopping”: $358.47
ETA: Food & Dining, note: $70 of that was Christmas celebration
I received a payout this month. $1,000 emergency fund refueled and the rest spend on travel bags & accessories.

I Am Not FI(RE) or Mustachian Material


I appreciate all the love I received on this tweet, but I was actually mocking myself for closing out the year with an [expensive and] impulsive travel purchase.

It will be by necessity in my future to travel without a credit card (I am not an affiliate for this debit travel card). So that post won’t be written for a long while. But for now, I need to clean this latest purchase up. I may share those numbers later or you can figure it out by my latest pinned tweet.

It is one of the reasons I moved over to blogger. I am not FI material or Mustachian material. Being on Blogger is my way of staying small or more money journal style. I’m always someone who can’t reach the threshold of my financial goals. And it’s been consciously going on for the past 10 years (although I have not been good with my finances since I was 18).

I have gotten much better at managing my finances through the years by budgeting, tracking my net worth, and adding to my 401K. My bills are paid on time and I am using money envelopes. I even replenished my emergency fund of $1,000.

But I am really good at shuffling money around making myself believe that I am making a difference. I’ve consolidated loans twice in the past 10 years. I just started paying my Student Loans again as of the end of last year (note, I’ve barely made any payments on my student loans because I was always putting them in forbearance).

I’ve bought 2 cars in the last 10 years.

And by shuffling money around, I can live above my means.

I also have credit card(s) to my detriment. 90% of the time I am quite disciplined not using them. In fact, I really only use one. The others I will make a tiny purchase on them intermittently to keep them open. But when I get into my YOLO hyper-focused mindset, I will drop a big purchase and think about how I am going to pay it off later.


I like sharing my story and I like the friendships gained from connections through writing. And I receive so much awesome advice that I am truly thankful for. I want to keep writing. But I know people will only believe in me so long. If I can’t provide proof I am making the changes, then the motivation dies down. I sincerely don’t want to take advantage of that, but I can’t seem to stop the debt cycle.

I really do want to achieve my goals. For that I will continue to try better and will continue to make goals in the right direction.